In the spring of 2000, we had just about finished building our home, after 18 months, when I had a profound experience that has forever changed me. I was at the end of my rope, as building a home, while caring for a family and a sick father, is the hardest thing I have ever done. There were many negative experiences, and I am typically an optimistic and happy person. Although, I was quite down at the end of building, in retrospect, I had had many blessings in my life that I should always be thankful for.
What brought me to this building site began as a sad story. My dad had had a stroke, and while looking for a caring place for him to live, I found this little slice of heaven. What I thought was heaven, turned into hell, however, because we had the misfortune of hiring many bad and dishonest subcontractors. We also lived in a small cabin on the property, during the building process, which was cramped and very old, although I now look back on it with fond memories.
Anyway, on this fateful day, I had picked up my dad and brought him to the house to show him what had been accomplished. We were almost done building, and I was more stressed than I had ever been. After I was done showing my dad around, I sat him down, and proceeded to say that I couldn't take being a mom and a wife any longer, and that I was going to leave my family. He had some very insightful things to say, but the words were to no avail. I had made up my mind.
I took my dad back to his place and then came back to the cabin, crying my eyes out. I abruptly walked into the cabin and grabbed a bottled water and went back to the truck. I drove it up to the back portion of the five acres and turned off the ignition and sat. It was a pasture setting with large evergreen trees surrounding the property. Some of the trees have been there for longer than I've been alive. It was a nice warm spring day, around six in the evening. I remember hearing a beautiful sound coming from an unknown bird, as I cried uncontrollably.
I then got mad that I was going through this misery, as I felt I had always done the right things, worked very hard, treated everyone with respect, and made good choices. I proceeded to angrily talk out loud to God, while still sobbing, as if to blame Him. I specifically said to Him, "Who are you anyway" and "Do you even exist?" I told Him that I couldn't take any of this anymore, and let Him know that my plan was to leave. All of a sudden a peace came over me like I have never felt before, and the words, "I am many generations of people" popped into my head. This must have been the answer to my question of who He was. I was taken back by how clear the words were, but I couldn't tell you if they were a male or female voice.
I had NEVER had this thought before, but the words were crystal clear in my head. As I sat in the truck contemplating what had been told to me, I glanced up at the trees and there were silhouettes of four people, each in different trees. One was a scholar with spectacles on, one was Jesus with his beard and long hair, one was a lady with flowing long hair, and one was another man, with nothing really distinguishing, other than male. Jesus and the lady were not looking at me, but the scholar and the man were. I closed my eyes, and reopened them, and the silhouettes were still there. I was dumbfounded, to say the least. Then, something else happened.
I have to back up here a moment. I had seen the movie, A Message in a Bottle, and I loved the song, Fallen Angel. I had just purchased the soundtrack, but had only had time to listen to the one song. This particular CD was in my six disc changer in my truck, along with several others.
What happened next really blew me away, even more so than the silhouettes in the trees or the words in my head. Something in my mind told me to specifically turn on my CD player, not my radio, and so I did. The words were not clear like "I am many generations of people," but I was being instructed to where I understood what to do. The first CD was rock music, and each time a song would start, something would instruct me to push the button for the next song. The first CD was obviously not what God was trying to communicate to me, but then the second CD, A Message in a Bottle, came on. When the first song began, I went to push the button, but something told me to stop.
The song by Edwin McCain called "I Could Not Ask for More," started playing and I paid close attention to the words of the song, as I knew I was being guided. These are part of the words.
Lying here with you, listening to the rain.
Smiling just to see a smile upon your face.
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive.
These are the moments I'll remember all my life.
I found all I've waited for and I could not ask for more.
Looking in your eyes, seeing all I need.
Everything you are is everything in me.
These are the moments I know heaven must exist.
These are the moments I know all I need is this.
I've found all I've waited for and I could not ask for more.
I could not ask for more than this time together.
I could not ask for more that this time with you.
Every prayer has been answered. Every dream I have's come true.
Yeah, right here in this moment, is right where I'm meant to be.
Here with you, here with me.
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive.
These are the moments I'll remember all my life.
I've found all I've waited for and I could not ask for more.
Here's a link to You Tube to listen to the song done by someone other than McCain. It's a beautiful song.
So, as I write this, it brings tears to my eyes, and I hope it brings chills to you, the reader. This story is from my heart, is the complete truth, and is my testament to God's existence. I have not ever doubted His existence from that day forward, and never will. It is still almost unbelievable that God communicated with me, and answered every question I had asked of Him, along with telling me that I WAS where I was meant to be. I spoke to God from my hurting heart, with every ounce of sincerity that I have ever mustered up from within my soul. I found that when we are truly in need, He will be there for anyone who seeks Him.
Finally, after this experience, I drove my truck back to the cabin and got my husband. I brought him back to the pasture in the truck and shared the experience just as it had happened, and when the song was playing we were both crying in each other's arms. I vowed to him that I would never contemplate leaving him or the kids again, and I never have. I feel truly blessed to have had this experience. It has given me strength beyond my own comprehension, when times get tough.
Finally, what I would like to share is that everyone should embrace a loving spirit and know that they have a purpose, no matter how small, and that we are all a part of God. Appreciate all that you do have, while never focusing on what you don't have, and never take anything for granted. When you do feel down or hopeless, remember this...
Seek and ye shall find.
Knock and the door will be open.
Ask and it shall be given.
God Bless you all!
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