On my birthday, in 2016, I saw the light of God. It was a beautiful, sunny day and I had spent the day in the park with my now ex-boyfriend of six years. He was the love of my life, but we were on the verge of breakup. While driving home from the park, we had an enormous fight that lasted into the night. I was so hurt, I asked him to leave that night because I needed to be alone for a while in the apartment.
I stood in the kitchen around 10:30 at night, making myself a bowl of ice cream, trying to somehow salvage my birthday with food. I took a bite and threw it away in the sink realizing how empty, numb, and devastated I felt. It was the darkest moment of my life. As I stood over the sink, I realized nothing could fill me. I began to think about how much I loved my boyfriend and wanted him to be happy even if I never saw him again. I could see his anger towards me and his past and I began to feel so much sympathy and love for him. I knew I would have to let him go.
Suddenly, a feeling of overwhelming peace and forgiveness washed over me. In my mind, I saw our sunny day at the park. I saw my boyfriend who was completely happy because I let him go. I felt the purest sense of love and only wishing for his happiness. I knew in my heart he would be okay because God would watch over him and God would watch over me. There was light radiating from sky that shined through the grass and trees. The light was white, pure, and clean. I saw that the light was infinite and it was more real than the birds, clouds, and trees. It was the ultimate reality and it was God. Coming from the light was complete and perfect peace, love, joy, forgiveness, and beauty. The love I felt, and everything else existing in this light, was so unselfish and pure than I knew it was not human. I knew it could only come from God. The light was love because God truly is love.
At the exact same time, I was having a second vision. I saw inside my chest. My chest looked like a pitch black room with the lights turned out. I could see the outline of my heart how my heart was sitting in darkness. Yet, there was a beam of pure, white light bursting outward from a small piece of my heart like a ray of sunshine coming through a storm cloud. The light was filled with peace, forgiveness, love, goodness, and beauty. I knew God was telling me that my heart was in darkness, and that if I only let a small piece of Him shine through, there could be so much unimaginable peace.
I had been an atheist ever since I was a child (for over 15 years). I grew up going to church. I tried many times to believe, but it never made sense to me. All I could see was logical fallacies. I thought even if God were real, I would never want to worship him. I thought he was absolutely horrible and fictitious. I admired Richard Dawkins. The God Delusion was my favorite book for years. I had also always considered myself a scientist. I went to college to be a scientist with dreams of getting a PhD and becoming a researcher. I never had any spiritual experience in my life. I thought spirituality didn't exist and was for idiots. I thought Christianity and religion was for unintelligent people who were incapable of critical thought and too afraid to face reality.
When I saw God's light, I knew how wrong I had been. I knew the light was the Christian God, the God of the Bible, and the only God there is. I knew how much I had misunderstood Him and everything in the Bible. I knew nothing bad or malicious could ever come from God and that He does everything for good with pure, everlasting love. I fell to my knees and cried so much after this vision happened. It lasted only a couple of minutes maybe, but it was the most beautiful, profound experience I've ever had and it makes me cry still when I think of it. For the first time in my life, I felt like I may have been lost and living in darkness.
Since then, I've had several amazing experiences with God. I prayed to him to show me the way and to help me out. When I believe in his presence in my heart, I feel so much peace. It's as though all of my fears melt away and I feel complete joy and happiness. I am now a Christian, and because of my experiences, my atheist ex-boyfriend now tells me he is open to Christianity. I feel so blessed and so thankful that God came into my life and showed me this. God is very real. Just ask for his help! He is always there in your heart, and all around you, enveloping you with His peace and love. He is waiting for you to talk to him and let him shine through. He will show you the way!
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He made me feel like He understands me the way only your closest BFF could. I say He because I guess it felt *slightly* masculine but I don't know for sure. It lasted for the rest of the night, so about 7 hours total. It was so intense. I am still not religious but I can say that is the meaning of being "born again." I was definitely born again that night, absolutely no doubt about it. Also, it brought the end to my seeking. My spiritual hunger was satisfied. I do strive to walk the path of love now, to love others in the way that I know I am loved. I hold that night in my heart and think about it a lot. I don't know why some of us have seen the light and others haven't but I do know God is with all of us in the exact same way, feeling the same about all of us equally. It really put love in my heart for these trying times we've found ourselves in. Thank you for letting me share this, it almost makes me cry I feel so grateful to express it. I rarely tell anyone about it. And thank you all for sharing your experiences too.