I've recently come to gain clarity over a random and repetitive spiritual experience (hereafter called "The Gift"), I've encountered throughout my 54 years of life. "The Gift" has occurred approximately 2 or 3 times a year with no apparent rhyme or reasons in its arrival.
Although I'm now clear what the experience is telling me, I have lots of questions including: Is this message/experience unique to me, if not, what was the interpretation others got from the experience, and what actions do I take to fulfill it?
So the purpose of this inquiry is to help me understand and dialog with others who may have had similar experiences as mine and to see how best to proceed with my "calling". As I describe it to you, I may not communicate it perfect or in a proper order of importance. I'm just going to say it with all my adjectives, comparisons, interpretations, and self expression to paint the picture of the experience as clearly as it has been for me.
In short, I have had experiences of "The Gift" since I was very young. The experiences occur from out of the blue when I feel a wave that can best be described as an intense blessing from God. When it happens, I feel this intense presence of unconditional love, grace, and peace. In my experience of that, (unconditional love, grace, and peace), I'm left sobbing with joy and gratitude, humbled by the gift of the experience, and bursting with an almost painful unconditional love for any and all human beings. I'm left with the clear realization that God is with me and sending me a powerful message/blessing and that I'm to share and channel what I'm being given (unconditional love-grace-compassion-healing, etc.?) out to the world. There is also a physical experience, almost a visual experience, of the flow of this unconditional love energy/passion through my body out to others and the world. It's as though anyone I look upon when in this state I feel intense love and compassion flowing through me to them. It feels like I'm being a vehicle to heal others. I don't know how it works or direct what gets healed, but feel something being sent over to them through me. In addition while in this state, when confronted with people who have been a threat or unkind to me, I experience complete love and compassion for them without any "trying" or effort on my part.
Clearly after having such an experience, I'm left asking "how do I keep this experience of intense gratitude, generosity and unconditional love alive?" Following the "The Gift" I can be left for a week or more going in and out of the space of the experience until it fades and I'm back to my normal mind set and not being present/awake to this state.
When I say its almost painful to experience, I mean that the intense experience of love for others seems painful and unquenchable. It's like an intense yearning that has a burning feel to it because it can never be satisfied. Like an intense itch that in scratching feels both good, and hurts at the same time.
I first consciously experienced "The Gift" when I was 19 years old, but instinctively remembered at the time that I'd experienced it before. I was, "Oh...I remember this... How do I keep this alive?" Since then I have had random experiences of "The Gift", each with the same experience.
Until my most recent experience of "The Gift", I had some questions as to what it was saying. Although I always felt the unconditional love, generosity, and grace from the experience, the crying and sobbing had me wonder if it was partially from some personal emotional pain that was being purged/healed. I would question the experience by asking "how can I feel both sad and intense gratitude at the same time?" I'm now certain that the emotion is not from any personal sadness, but rather from the intense gratitude of love, grace, and blessing.
With that realization, I'm clear that I'm being led to do something with this experience. This is my unique experience and it is real. I don't need it validated from anyone. I can now see I have a life purpose to fulfill around this and it doesn't mean its meant to be some huge thing to change the world. It may be something very focused and private that I do that expresses and passes it on.
I'm starting my process by investigating if others have had this or a similar experience and if they did, where have they gone with it. Following the feedback I get and by listening inwardly, I'm confident a direction for me to take will emerge.
So, you can help me by answering one or more of the following questions:
* Have you ever experienced something like this?
* Was it a one time event or ongoing like mine?
* How long have you been able to sustain the state?
* Describe what the experience is like for you.
* Is there a predictable pattern or environment from which the experience occurs?
* Can you cause or generate it to occur at will?
* What have you done with it in the world or privately?
* Any other observations, thoughts, or suggestions you would like to pass to me?
I request that your responses not require the specific actions available only within a specific religious faith. I've specifically avoided any mention of my religious preference with the intention of receiving input from all faiths.
Thank you in advance for your generous contribution to my research.
Thanks, Neil
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