As far as I can always remember I have always been a spiritual person, a seeker of wisdom, and always trying to be a better version of myself, although it's not always easy.
I was raised as a Christian, and for a long time during my teenage years I believed that this was the only true religion, and that everyone else that didn't follow this religion might be condemned to hell.
I have found great peace as a spiritual Christian during my teenage years, because I truly believed, and still do believe, there is a lot of light and wisdom in Christ's preaching that has the power to transform people.
As I grew older, and traveled and lived in other parts of the world, like India, I realized that religion was really something we all inherit from our parents or society. Many people passionately believe that their religion is the one and only true religion; and that may have been what they have also been taught to think by their parents and their society.
Now I'm not here to preach about which religion holds the truth, I am here to say I don't know! We are all souls in this world, experiencing life as a human being. As human beings, our experiences and even perceptions could be so different; you will find so many contradicting views and spiritual teachings. If you are seeking the truth from all the teachings and beliefs around you, you may end up lost. My belief is whatever religion you follow, if you are seeking the truth, pray to God, and meditate, whichever one works for you, and the answers and messages can directly come to you.
In my spiritual quest I have found answers to so many of my spiritual questions that just came to me as messages. I recall that I started getting these messages, that don't sound at all like me, from a peaceful space within my heart. So a couple of years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, and this phrase/message just came in to my heart "The key to happiness is to find your true self". I wrote it down on my cell phone so I wouldn't forget the next morning, although it did not make much sense to me then. I was very unhappy during this period of my life, I would say I was depressed, and I didn't understand the meaning and purpose of my life. My life felt like it was filled with so much chaos and negativity. I hated myself, and I felt like I just was a person that didn't deserve anything good in life. The future looked so dark, and I just had this deep urge to just get away, just pack my bags and runaway.
So two years later I quit my job, and I decided to do some solo traveling for the first time in my life as a 33 year old woman, as fearful as I initially was to travel on my own, I would say it has been the best thing that I have ever done in my life! Although I spent most of my days alone during this period, I prayed a lot more, I reflected on my life and myself a lot more. So much of why I am the way I am was revealed to me, and my darkest fears all just came to the surface, it was a painful experience to go through at times, but it was also a healing process for me. The saddest part was religion itself had a really negative impact in my life. I realized my phobia of darkness, and being unable to sleep without some form of light in my room was all because as a child, I grew up hearing really horrific stories about the devil, being possessed by evil spirits, and evil spirits.
It also became clearer to me that of all the dark emotions we struggle with as humans, fear happens to be the darkest of them all. Its separates us from God, and it could also be the root to hate, anger, and other negative emotions. It usually comes in the form of a thought; it slowly creeps into your mind, then holds a good grip of you and chains you as its prisoner. It is amazing to realize how many of our decisions and actions in life are based on fear.
But the most powerful spiritual experience I had during my solo traveling was on the night of April 5th, 2017, were I woke up in the middle of the night, and I felt blessed, blessed to be where I was, then once again from a space within my heart I received messages that did not feel like it came from me saying "You are like a beautiful pearl in the sea", "I love you" and all of a sudden I was flooded with immense love and joy that was so powerful and unexplainable. It was so powerful that I also felt it physically in my whole upper body, like an unexplainable surge of energy, like an intense love bursting out of my heart and flooding my whole being. It was a love of immense power, and during this experience it became clear to me that love is the answer to most of our problems of suffering and unhappiness. Love is an energy that can not only heal us and free us from our dark past and negative energies we hold on to, like fear, but it may also have powers to heal our physical body and health issues. Love is a part of who we are. It is a joy to love with that intensity, and I don't think anything else in life could be as fulfilling, and freeing.
I feel that I have healed a lot, although I haven't experienced that intense level of love since. I pray that God alleviates the pain and suffering in this world, and that we can all hold hands to heal this world and each other. I am truly hopeful of a better world and future for all of us. Our unique experiences in life, the suffering and pain, sometimes makes us forget who we truly are, we get lost in the chaos we see and experience. However, we are eternal loving souls, and we are all the same, capable of opening the gates of love within our own hearts.
Love
Ebi
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