I just now wrote about this experience as it is still fresh in my mind and fading away fast as we speak, but I am hoping for a repeat so that I can get back to this place.
I was standing in the kitchen at a friend's house with my smartphone in hand. I was looking at ud (urban dictionary) page which just happens to have a random word generator. You push the button and out comes some of the most absurd modern words and short phrases along with its definition, explanation and a few short dialog sentences explained in a way that your 89 year old grandmother can get the basic idea even though done with a few four letter F... Words and such in order to give it that ghetto touch.
Ready to get the next random word I pushed the button and out came the surprise, shocked as I said, "what is this word doing in the urban dictionary". "Born again" I giggled as I anticipated some sac religious ill representation of the term. As I read the first part I could tell that it was some sarcastic explanation from the vantage point of an unbeliever making fun of some television personality that claimed to be born again while living the good life of carnal pleasures while lying, cheating, and stealing.
Then I scrolled down to catch the next part of the born again description and it read the classic words from John 3 where it states... Except a man be born again... There it happened. Because there are no words to describe where I went for just a few brief seconds I was standing there with my smartphone in hand as I felt the universe open up as if I were behind myself and looking though a window of everything in its entirety and completeness of eternity. As I repeat, this one time thing happened just for a few seconds and it was gone. I no longer have that window there to look through but I remember what it felt like to be in that place. I will take a whack at explaining with a futile attempt to describe it with words that are so meager in meaning.
I felt a consciousnesses that was far beyond my own ability to understand. The only thing that I could do was feel it and observe it.
I was in a place mentally or spiritually that was beyond my own place.
This almost visual sensation was yellow in nature and as a tape of a time continuum or a completeness of all of eternity for the lack of a better way to describe it.
I was in a perfect place where everything was complete in a way that I could feel and understand perfectly and see all as it truly is but now I cannot get back to that place.
I want to say that I was in a brilliant place with light but not the light as we know it here as an eye irritant that makes you squint but where all is known and visible and felt but with senses beyond my normal 5 senses. My feeble mind is so incapable processing what I just experienced.
Now, a day later I am grasping desperately to remember what it felt like so that I it doesn't disappear and hoping to repeat this experience.
This was not a "religious hallelujah" experience but a, WHOA! What was that? How do I get back there. Why am I back here again. I am in the wrong place... Or maybe I am in the right place now.
I want to believe that I was touched and am here waiting for more of the same. I need to get back there to that place even though it is only a few seconds that feels like an eternity.
In that moment there was no other place that I wanted to be.
Now, as I am living life, I am constantly moving forward wanting and trying to get somewhere and trying to achieve something, but in that place I just wanted to bask and absorb and receive whatever that gift was that I cannot describe.
My wish is to get more and give this experience to all including my worst enemies to feel and experience.
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