It took me a very long-time to accept what was happening to me was spiritual. I had all sorts of theories, my favorite seem to be that I was some sort of bizarre psychological experiment. I tended to ignore the fact that some of the things happening were beyond reach of current technology, for example, people repeating my thoughts. As an avid drug user I believed my mind had finally snapped its tether and had completely 'lost the plot' so to speak.
This is what happened to me. It start slowly, I just began to notice that the people in my local area seemed out of place, I live in a very multicultural area with very little caucasian people, lots of elderly white people holding hands tend to stick out in my area. Then everyone seemed to be staring at me, smiling, this actually enraged me, "What the Hell" are they looking at and why does it seem so bloody amusing. Then as I sat on the bus, people were actually repeating my thoughts out loud, this sent me of the handle, I mean what is going on and what gives them the right to voice my private thoughts out loud anyway? I felt completely invaded and ridiculed, teenagers seemed to be the worst. I thought about wearing headphones but I was intrigued, as hurtful as it was, I had to keep reaffirming to myself that this is really happening.
Then the panic started for real! I thought for sure I was going to have a heart attack as my heart rate went through the roof, I constantly sweated and my thoughts raced. No one was able to comfort me and I actually felt threatened by my friends and family as I no longer understood what they were talking about, everything seemed to be in code, sounding perfectly normal to any outsider listening but loaded with innuendo for me. I really couldn't understand why nobody would tell me what was going on when I knew that they knew something of what was happening to me (I still don't know why I was left in the dark either).
Strange things happened for weeks, I saw flashing blue lights, I could hear my partner talking to me (in my head) I could hear a private conversation from across the street in short I became slightly telepathic, which I absolutely hated as all I seemed to hear were horrible, angry words. I became reclusive, I felt like the laughing stock of humanity, people made me very afraid.
My cats personality changed, spiders appeared everywhere and more than once the ground beneath my feet started to dissolve into oblivion. I now believe I was spiritually transforming however my lack of courage sent me running in the other direction.
Now I can't seem to transform my anger into something productive, I know people are always repeating my thoughts back to me and instead of using this to understand myself better it just causes my feelings of violation to escalate. On one level I realize this is to help me grow but on a baser level it just causes my ego into extreme anger.
I don't know where to go from here.
Bright Blessings to all,
Loading comments....
