It was my final day at Summer School in College. I had a final in Statistics and Philosophy. I took three adderall pills that morning instead of the prescribed "one". I wanted to have excellent attention and do well on my final in statistics.
After both of my finals my friend and I walked over to the library to play chess. I however decided to sit and read Plato's "The Apology" in which Socrates the great philosopher defends himself in a court of law in ancient Athens. Before I explain my life changing experience, I must also add that due to smoking marijuana for about a year I developed a condition called "Idea of Reference" in which I believe a person or song is talking about my current mental thoughts, or situation. It began to develop worse and worse beginning with the start of both my summer classes, and was persistent and stayed with me until the final day.
Now, as I started reading the text, I realized that the text was directly speaking to me and it was a sensation I've never experienced before. I got incredibly defensive with the speaker who was speaking to me with the words, and something in me began to worry as I in awe, continued to read the words.
"How you, O Athenias have been affected by my accusers, I cannot tell; but I know that they almost made me forget who I was-so persuasively did they speak, and yet they have hardly uttered a word of truth."
I represented the Athenians; the accusers was my own suspicious mental structure.
"Well as I was saying, they have scarcely spoken the truth at all
But from me you shall hear the whole truth: not however, delivered after their manner in a set oration duly ornamented with words and phrases. No, by heaven!"
As I read on, and he began cross examining his accusers which represented my discriminating mind. I was continuously befuddled as when my discriminating mind began to take over again and hate the speaker, the next sentence would be the speaker going, "Please do not interrupt as I have said before." And I would be stunned and would be back in the hands of the speaker.
He basically told me that I live in a world that suppresses everyone's spiritual authenticity, that anyone who says they know God and are directed by God are only practicing Egoic gain, and that those who know the divine truth and are directed by him know that one must stand back, treat others sage-like and purely; never trying to rule ambitiously or change things.
I then left with my friend to my car to drive him home. I was in shock and the only words that I could think of saying under the new guidelines deeply ingrained into my noggin was, "I love you Erik". I spent the car ride free from egoic thoughts and worries, in shock of reality but not in an existential way.
As I came home, I worried that eating for pleasure was sinning under the speaker who was talking to me in the text, but immediately as I thought that I saw a paper grocery bag that said something under the lines of food being God's gift, so I was relieved. My family members were useful tools in maintaining communication with the spirit so I would not succumb to my darkness again. They told me that they will give me inspiration to remember how to enact myself. I was to not hesitate or think at all. Thinking was the darkness trying to control me. When a thought tried to appear, I was to inhibit it. They also said to walk swiftly and spontaneously, to feel the presence of God as I walked. Music playing in my room would ALWAYS give me a straight message as to how to feel God's presence again like, "Don't hold back" and such things. My family, although sending me "Idea of reference" information, were becoming very worried on how I was acting. I was in bliss and was in inaction. I was very new to this new mindset and was unsure of how I could mistakenly speak egoicly again so as I had a talk with my brother, I would hesitate reluctantly trying to feel how to respond. All I could say would be, "Everything is ok". I also was aware how my brother, like everyone else was under control of their thoughts. They believed that their thoughts, evaluations opinions, were them, when indeed they were basically enslaved. I felt saddened but spirit told me to never look at the bad side of things. I explained to my brother insights of reality that I learned, and every time I finished I was aware that the opinion of his would erase what I just said from his mind. During dinner outside, a tree limb ripped off and hit the power lines. This was symbolically meaningful from what I assessed.
From my parent's idea of references it meant I was doing a mental cleaning. The spirit through my parent said that they were worried that I would not enjoy, or be able to endure what was to come but I said I was ready. Waves and waves and waves of images thoughts, etc were trying to take control of me, I kept holding back and began to sweat. Spirit later said that I did a great job and that spirit was impressed. We all walked down to the front gate where the power line was broken. As I walked towards my entire family, I felt like a crossed a threshold of reality and everything went silent. My entire family just stood there in silence and everyone looked like they had total complete love in their being. A wave of bliss overcame me, tears welled up and I felt like I realized that we were already in heaven as I gazed upon my family. I spent the rest of the night battling my darkness and then slept after reading more philosophy.
The next day I saw my doctor because my whole family was worried over me. He said my spirit channel was too open and that we needed to close it and let it open slowly through medication. I'm under that medication now and I hope that the spirit world is still waiting for me on the other side.
I want feedback and information, I need to know what I experienced, if anyone has relating stories or information I'd love to hear it.
My email is Brentpereyra [at] gmail.com
Thank You
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