Why am I Alive?

When I was young, small boy, I used to go into these trances-like state of mind. I would ask my self "why am I alive?". I would ponder on this question, eventually by concentrating on this question I would feel as if (very hard to explain) everything seemed surreal. I remember perhaps seeing my self or seeing a light. After these trances states I would feel very satisfied as if I had gained the knowledge in which I was seeking although, of course, I was unable to remember what it was. These states of mind happened on many occasions when I was young. One instance which my mother remembers very well was when I was brought to a sound proof room, as a very young child, to test the hearing in my ears. The room would give a pulse vibrating noise. Well, they came to the conclusion that I was deaf, because I did not even notice the pulse, but my mother knew better, she snapped me back to reality and did the test again. Sure enough my hearing was fine. Many years later, I have not been able to reach those states of mind that I had as a child, it feels as if my head is full of distractions, and responsibilities are clouding the clarity I once had. I know I can do it again, I just need to clear my mind. But it is easier said then done. Perhaps you have heard of similar scenario's with other people? My question is am I alone? Was this just a freak occurance or is this a psychic experience?