When I was 30 years old, I was attempting to withdraw from an unhealthy relationship with a controlling man. We had dated for a short time, but I wanted to end the relationship. He stalked me everywhere I went for over two years, left hour-long messages on my taped voice mail, threatened to have me evicted from my medical building office, broke into my office and erased patient messages, and daily threatened me, once beating me with a pair of crutches. (The police declined to arrest him as he was too well known in the area.) I hated him and blamed him for my loneliness; no other man would come near me for fear of becoming his target as well.
I cried from the stress of not knowing what he would do next; I was frightened, lonely, and angry. Finally I said to myself, "Well, I entered into this situation through my own free will, and I am simply going to have to endure whatever consequences that decision costs me. I hope I live through it..."
That same Saturday night, I was lying in bed, feeling sad and sorry for my loneliness, I was reading my favorite novel, Anna Karanina. I thought again about accepting responsibility for my situation and accepting the consequences for my own poor choice and judgment in becoming involved with this man. And I shed a few more tears for the predicament.
What happened was something I did not ask for; how could I? I didn't even know that such an experience was possible. It was given to me.
It began with a feeling of lovely warmth in my feet. As the warmth moved very slowly upwards, a vibration began to accompany the warmth; starting in my feet and following the movement of the warmth very, very slowly upward.
It took about 2-3 minutes for my total body to be held in this vibrational warmth. The emotion accompanying this vibration/warmth was one of Pure Joy and Love. Tears streamed. When the vibrations gently decreased intensity and then ceased, I knew that I had forgiven this man without reservation. I felt a strength I'd never known before that I knew could only come from Love... A strength that has never left me since that night.
The next day he came to my office between patients for his usual red-faced tirade. "I have to survive!" He shouted. "Why does your survival have to mean my destruction?" I asked. My question came out gently... Not my usual tone with him. It did not seem to be me who said it. I gazed easily and calmly into his furious eyes and, again, with some help which seemed not to be originating with the usual "me," I silently offered him my strength.
His body visibly relaxed. His eyes filled with tears as he smiled and said, "You're right, Cat. You're right..." He left the office smiling and never, never said or did another unkind thing towards me.
This was 26 years ago. I still smile and offer gratitude to the One who healed and saved both him and me.
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