I've had a hard life. Everything seemed to go wrong for me once I had entered middle school. Had an accident that disfigured my front teeth, was the victim of constant bullying, the doctor who was supposed to fix my teeth took our insurance money and ran with it--so I never got the surgery for a fake tooth, started getting haunted by a pretty bad ghost, people I had known as a girl were dying left and right, grandma, great grandpa, our two neighbors who I was close to, friends I made never seemed to stay around, as well as family breaking apart. I was just so stressed with everything. So one day I did something.
I was feeling lost and trapped in my haunted apartment and my life and had thought, 'Hey, I'll try reading the bible and maybe I'll get some guidance'. I had heard that Psalms in the bible was big with these kind of things so I had read through that looking for guidance from someone or something.
And you know what happened? I was blubbering and crying reading the whole way through Psalms. The whole time I was reading it, I felt like I myself was crying out the words with my soul, hoping for someone to respond to it. I still tear up every now and then when I think of it. But when I was reading that, when I was sincerely wishing that someone would come down and respond, I felt overwhelmed. For some reason, my shoulders were getting warm. And then I just thought, 'Oh those feel like hands on my shoulders'. And I had this picture in my head of someone standing behind me, their hands on my shoulders as if in reassurance. Like someone was saying 'I'm here if you need me. All you have to do is call'. My father had died before I was born and in a way I think it crossed my mind that I could consider God my father now. If I needed reassurance I could look to him for it.
So now every time I feel overcome by bad feelings or energy, I pray for protection. Especially before bed since I've been known to have contact with bad spirits in my dreams. Whenever I pray for protection before bed, I get the feeling of energy behind me holding me. Sometimes it's rubbing my back or it's holding on to me. It overwhelms me and calms me until I fall asleep.
Now I'm proud to say that God is my Father and I'm glad he came into my life. Bless everyone who's ever felt this way.
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