So a while back I was interested in sleep paralysis and the entities I would encounter in it, I would ask for them to visit me but every time they did only extreme fear and terror ever came and I thought that's just them taking some energy from me so I tried to ignore it and communicate with them. Trying to make contact with these demons wasn't good, the attacks got worse and to a point I would have seizures. They gathered around my bed once though and as I tried to look at one of these things in their shadowy form suddenly one began to glow with light, she touched my cheek and walked out of my room and it might've been an angel in disguise.
So after finally giving up on these things they began to go away but for the second time for some very stupid reasons I started asking them to come back, not specifically the bad ones but more enjoyable demons I've heard about (succubuses) but it wasn't exactly what I wanted and I only got things wanting to harm me. I heard about relationships with demons and got some offers and they were slightly pleasurable but they always had a malevolent feeling about them and are like spirit predators that take joy from your fear and pain.
These things were mostly negative emotion so I eventually got angry at them for their evil nature and asked them to go away. When they didn't leave I looked up ways to get rid of them, there was mostly only Christian ways that I tried to ignore but being the only thing that didn't require ritual occult materials it was the easiest. So the next time I was being attacked by a demon who enjoyed the pain I got when he poked me I said something like "I accept Jesus Christ as my lord and saviour! Help!" and suddenly what is normally always a hellish experience turned very soothing and this was Jesus's presence but he shortly left like having a warm blanket wrapped around you then having it taken away on a cold day and I was left with the demon. The second time being attacked I called to Jesus and he came but this time I made sure to tell him "This demon is attacking me and giving me nightmares." and I felt his anger towards the thing but then woke up.
I met God before, one dream I don't remember but I think he said I need to worship him and another time I was angry with my life and asked him to kill me and I think I was praying to him at the time as an atheist and he did kill me and took me to heaven, he said he stopped my heart and I thought he might be angry at me and that he could easily destroy me, I was pretty anxious around him and later I learned this was probably what people call the fear of god and I gave him the absolute highest respect I could give. He took me flying over the gate to heaven I think and I asked if I would get brain damage from having my heart stopped and he said "No, you won't, I promise." and he told me I can stay here as long as I want but I thought the clock was ticking and couldn't decide what to do, I took a few steps and asked if God could leave me alone for a bit since he made me anxious and right after he left being afraid of dying I said "Actually, maybe living isn't so bad.". God killing me was during a period of demonic attack and also because he gave me fear I chalked him up as being a demon trying to lure me into some strange world that could of lead to my demise, I also couldn't tell if it was just a dream or not but his words were very realistic and he felt like a real person which stands out from normal dreams.
So after meeting Jesus I decided God was definitely real but before that I was playing with the occult and said out loud "I reject the Christian God" and wished I would be possessed by demons and did many things blasphemous, I was a Christian bashing atheist too. And now it was almost Easter and my mom wanted to go to Church and decided I would do something very embarrassing and say we should go and pushed her on even though her normal Church was closed. We found a church eventually and sang songs with people and I thought I should talk to the preacher and told him the gist of things, he took me into a praying room in the back and did and exorcism prayer and his friend spoke in tongues which I thought was a demon in my head but afterwards was told by the friend that he was being possessed by Jesus and that it had only happened 3 times before.
Although Jesus did a lot for me the demons didn't go away and calling for him in my dreams he wouldn't come to help (Busy maybe?) and one night I being sexually tempted by a demon asked for help but got none and so just went for the ride but I went too far and slid into my old ways and started saying I wanted a demon and wished I was possessed by them and I opened my eyes and saw an orb flying around. This was horrible of me and after I gained my fully awake consciousness and the temptation was gone I felt like I sold my soul and was depressed and am still depressed and I have actually done it again. The orb I later learned is supposedly a warning of change and the demonic attacks would get worse but they didn't, I think the change that happened was selling my soul. After a while of extreme anxiety and hopelessness though I decided there's no point in worrying and just hope I can make up for all my many sins.
It's really interesting as a former atheist to be a Christian, and I've acquired an extreme amount of logical evidence proving the paranormal and it's actually easy to find, I summoned demons just by wishing for them in my head and anyone else daring enough can do the same.
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