A couple of months ago me and my fiance were going through some difficult times in our relationship. He had just admitted to some major lies that he had been trying to cover up with more lies, and our relationship was on the rocks because of it. At the same time, he received a paternity suit in the mail from an affair 7 years ago. We were not together then, but now our relationship was to be further tested by the addition of a 6 year old child.
I was a wreck. Our new found son lived thousands of miles away from us, I was still in school and barely making rent, and my fiance was working as a teacher and working on his masters at the same time. How would we afford a child? How could our lives possibly turn out the way we had always wanted?
It was then that I had the first warmth experience. It has always been in a state of half sleep... I know I am not asleep... But I am not totally awake either. It is a feeling that half-wakes me usually in the early hours of the morning. It is the most magnificent experience I have ever had.
I can only describe it as swimming in a sea of expanding love and warmth. Imagine a state of being that is without any needs or wants, just a floating warmth of pure love. These words really don't do it justice. The first time it happened I remember thinking, "Why would anyone ever leave this?"
I awoke immediately after this thought and looked at my wonderful, loving fiance sleeping peacefully in the morning light. I knew that the love I had felt was for my new son. I knew that he was the reason that I left that place, that my soon to be husband was also a reason, and that the love I had experienced there was mine to give to all who crossed my path. I began kissing his face incessantly, not caring if he awoke. I was swimming in pure love.
Since then I have had two more love-warmth experiences- always in a state of half sleep. The second had added components. There was a feeling of hot breath on one side of my face- almost as if a heater had been placed just a little too close. It didn't hurt, it was just really warm and I wasn't scared. I felt the blissful love. I also kept hearing what sounded like a radio station trying to come in, or someone changing radio stations. I kept thinking... Why is the radio on? Is the alarm on? When I awoke the next morning, I asked my fiance, and the alarm was not only off but if it did go off it would have been a beeping sound, not the radio.
I have had it one other time, a few days ago. This time it was just the love feeling, and I kept trying to make it stay... It came and went... And came back and went... And I tried to enjoy it the best I could.
I have since met my new son. He is the most beautiful being I have ever met. I am in love with him in a way I cannot describe. We are planning to move to be with him as soon as I finish school. I have never been happier or more fulfilled.
I would like to know if anyone else has ever had a similar experience? I have meditated before... But I have never felt this before. Somehow I knew it was my new son...
Thanks you and blessings.
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