When I was in my late 20's I was married to a good man but I was not good. I got bored and I had several affairs. At one point I was having an affair with a man I worked with and I liked him a lot and thought I wanted to be with him permanently instead of my husband. I tried to justify what I was doing to myself. (nothing like lying to one's own self, isn't there?)
Thinking these things, I asked God to show me whether or not I was doing the right thing. Bad move. That night before I even went to sleep, I suddenly found myself in the black void, like outer space. Dark, dark, dark, so dark I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. Like when they turn the lights out when touring a cave. Total and complete darkness with not a speck of light anywhere. And cold, so cold that it seeped all the way to my bones. Colder than I have ever been before and colder than one can imagine. So cold it felt like I'd never be warm again. And sad and scared.
I was kept there for about 90 seconds. Let me tell you it was enough. I came out of it scared to death, but glad to be let out of the "abyss", as I call it. Did it stop me on my road to self-destruction? Unfortunately no. But like a lot of middle aged people, I now am terrified of the abyss. I realize the abyss was a total lack of any light or warmth, in reality a total lack of God's presence, protection, and love. Hell is what it was.
I deeply regret that in my youth the experience in the abyss did not stop me from what I was 'hell bent' to do. Thank God that He is so loving and forgiving and his anger lasts but a moment but His goodwill lasts a lifetime. My husband ended up dying young and one day I heard him say that he'll meet me when my time comes. I really want to avoid the abyss and I know it exists.
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