In 1970 I gave birth to a baby boy. He lived three hours. I held that tiny tot of six months along in my arms, while laying in bed. I couldn't climb the many steps to the top to get help, as I lived in a basement apartment and had no phone. My son died in my arms, while I held him close to my body.
Tears streamed down my face. He was my first born child and I love him very much. It would be hours before my hubby would get home from work. All the time I held my baby in my arms. I talked to him and sung songs.
It took me quite a long time to get over his death, even though I only had him with me alive for about three hours, that time I had with him I will always cherish. His lungs weren't developed enough for him to live, being born so early in my pregnancy.
For years and years after I had my first child, Bryan in 1970, I kept trying to get pregnant again. To no avail would it happen. Finally my hubby and I decided to put in for adoption. It took a long time for this to go through. We had a four year old boy that we decided we would like to adopt. In order to do so and sign the final papers, we had to have complete physicals to make sure we were fine health wise.
I made my appoints went to the doctors, the adoption agency told us we had to go to. I had to get all the check ups, a woman had to get as well. The doctor that did this told me, I think your pregnant. I said "NO I am not". He said "Yes I think you are, and I would say about four weeks along". I was now upset. I was crying. He told me he had to put down on the papers we had, what he thought was going on with my body. I left the office crying and had to return in another two weeks so he could confirm what he thought.
We went home, neither one of us, my hubby or me said a word. If I were pregnant that would mean we couldn't adopt the four year old little boy, whom we fell in love with. Whom stayed in our home from time to time, whom thought he was going to have a home finally. My heart was aching.
Two weeks went by and I had to be re-checked. The doctor states to me "Yes you are now six weeks along, I would say your due In November. (1980). I told him thanks took the paper and we went to the worker, who was helping us with the adoption. We were told now that we were expecting, we couldn't adopt the little boy. My heart was breaking I loved that little boy.
As time went on, I adjusted to the morning sickness and knowing that I was indeed pregnant. I was afraid that something happen to this one, like it did with Bryan. The dread of each month that went by was worse and worse. Not that I felt bad about being pregnant the shock wore off on that. But the fear this baby would die too.
In my fifth month, something just wasn't right. I went into the hospital and told the doctor, something was not right. I was admitted to the hospital and watched. Then told I would have to stay in the hospital for complete bed rest until the baby arrived. Why I demanded what's wrong with this baby? He told me the baby's heart rate be fast and then real slow it was for precautions sake.
I spent two weeks in the hospital. I got to go home to bed rest. At five and half months along I was back in the hospital for two more weeks. Was home only a couple of days. Then one night I went into labor while in the hospital. I was in labor for eight hours, but my baby was not born. The next day I was let ride to see if I would go back into labor. Still nothing happen. I was induced for six hours still nothing happen. I was put back in my own bed. In the middle of the night I told the nurse, that my baby was dead, he was not moving no more.
I was checked and his heart rate was slowed down, but he was not dead. I prayed a lot while the doctor and nurse were checking on me. Later that day the doctor told me, he wanted to take the baby. It would have been better off if I could of carried him awhile longer, but it appeared that would not be the case.
I heard my baby be born, he was tiny I heard him crying. He was laid on my chest, as my arms were in slings with I-v's hanging out of them. I got to have his soft face touch mine. I fell to sleep after that. Since he was born to early, he was covered with long white hair all over his body. Bryan didn't' have this on him.
I held my son in my arms when he was 18 hours old, and he just got limp in my arms, I screamed for help. A nurse came in and shook him and smacked his feet I heard him crying. She left the room. I said "Lord please don't take this one away from me, you have my other son, please not this one too". My new born son was put on a heart machine it went off five times, when his heart stopped beating.
I went and held him briefly. They didn't know if he would make it or not. While sitting in a rocking chair in the intensive care unit for new born babies. I suddenly felt a peace come over me and I knew then my son would make it, he may have to stay until he was bigger but he would make it. I had no doubt in my mind he would live.
My son and I both stayed in the hospital for a month after he was born. I never got to have him in my room. I had to go down to the intensive care unit and hold him. He was a strong baby, getting stronger and stronger as the days went by. He was still a premature baby when we went home. And at home if I thought I didn't hear him breathing, I woke him up a lot to make sure. His first year of life that baby hardly got sleep at night time.
Yes the Lord heard my prayers of pleading, not to take this son too. He let me have this son, to love, to care for and to teach him about love and the Lord. My son is an adult. He is over 6' tall and healthy. He does have a heart mummer and always will, but it don't stop him much to do what he wants to do in his life.
The Lord does work in mysterious ways, his love is just awesome.
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