I am a 23 year old mother/wife, I have always gotten these certain and sudden feelings throughout my life. I would feel them in the centre of my chest. The feelings would usually almost always be a scared feeling. Like something bad is going to happen, and usually would. But this time it was a bit different.
I was lying in bed a couple of weeks ago, my husband was sleeping beside me and my baby was in her bassinette. I couldn't sleep and it wasn't the same as most other nights when I can't fall asleep. This night I started feeling scared and it wasn't my usual scared feeling like something bad is going to happen, this was different. It just felt different, I don't know exactly how to explain it. I started feeling anxiety, and all of a sudden I got this thought in my head that said "I'm going to die!". I tried brushing the feelings I had away, thinking to myself "I'm not going to die nothings wrong with me..." I kept asking myself why do I feel like this. I wanted to wake up my husband and tell him how scared I felt, and about the anxiety. I just wanted him to hug me and make me feel secure. But I didn't because if I woke him up he would ask me what's wrong and how can I explain when I don't know exactly what's wrong.
But the feelings like I was going to die felt stronger, and my anxiety got worse. Just as I was lying there feeling scared and wondering what's going on and why do I feel this way the name 'MARIE' came to my head. It wasn't a voice exactly in my head, I guess I can explain kind've like a thought. This thought popped into my head that Marie needs help. Marie is my husbands grandmother. She went to the hospital about a week before. She had a heart attack and was diagnosed with double pneumonia. She was very sick and on life support. The doctors said she wasn't going to make it. And told the family to prepare for her passing. She couldn't even move, like she was in an a coma.
But I had these feelings and this thought in my head like I was going to die. I was just lying there with all these thoughts going through my head. Then it hit me, Marie is calling out to me. These aren't my feelings, they're Marie's. I remembered something like this from this book I read when I was 17. It talked about how people can send messages or feelings to one another through what the author called a "channel". She explained in the book how everyone is connected and how to tap in to those "channels".
In the book it has these, I guess you can call them exercises, just like meditating and how to clear your mind and send feelings, even your sense of touch to others. So maybe this is Marie reaching out to me, maybe these are her feelings. I started thinking I need to help her. I started doing an exercise I remember from the book. I was telling Marie to give me her sickness and take my strength. I was saying in my head "I'm strong take my strength, I can handle it, I'm young..." I did this all through this meditation process I learned from the book. I did all the steps. I opened my mind.
I felt kind've weird with this whole experience. Thinking if I went nuts or something. But no harm in trying. After I did the whole meditation exercise, sending strength thing, my anxiety went away and I fell asleep. The next couple of days my chest started to hurt and I started getting a cough. My husband heard from one of his aunties that his grandma started being aware. She could move her eyes look around the room, but still couldn't talk.
For the next week and a half I got really sick. I had a really high fever, I was burning up yet I felt so cold and I couldn't really breath. It felt like I was breathing through a straw. My whole body ached, I couldn't really eat. I couldn't do anything, I was so weak. There was so many things wrong with me. I ran out of breath just blowing on my hot soup my husband would make for me.
But as I was sick Marie started getting better. She is now off life support and moved up to her own room instead of being isolated. She can walk and get up herself. Though I know she will never be the same I'm happy she's doing a lot better. I forgot about what I did that night for a little while, I was just to sick to think about anything else. But when I remember I still wonder if it was real. Was it Marie calling out to me, scared and knowing what her outcome was. I always wonder if what I did was the thing that helped her.
I just can't stop thinking about all the events. Was it me or was it all a coincidence!
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